"I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing." -Anais Nin

My name is Jordan and I am an addict...to sugar! And it's killing me! Alright, I'm not dying but it feels like it. I am currently going through Sugar Withdrawals. I know that might sound silly but google it. It's legitimate. And it sucks. I really do love any and every kind of sweet. Most of my Pinterest posts about sweets, I've made. None of that healthy stuff. I do love eating healthy but when you are addicted to sugar, it's so pretty and cheap when it's in the store, and all that other stuff just can't satisfy you the same way. Last July, my doctor told me I was hypoglycemic and that I needed to eat 7 small meals a day and no more candy. I know it's pretty common but that doesn't make it good. It also leads to diabetes, which is scary. So as soon as he told me that, I ran out to the store to buy everything BUT sugar and saturated fat (I also found out I had cholesterol...like an old man or something. it's hereditary). So I cried in the produce section of Walmart, Adam just laughing at me. I really felt scared and did not want to live without the sugar. With Adam's support and cooking skills, I got through it. That first week of my new eating habits, I lost 7lbs!!! That was motivation right there! I just looked and felt better. I wasn't bloated or sloppy looking. I looked tall and lean. I had just gained a whole bunch of marriage weight and I wasn't used to being big like that. So to instantly drop 7 of those pounds after struggling and trying to lose it, I was ecstatic. And it lasted a few weeks. But when I moved back to North Salt Lake, we were poor and living with my mom. So my eating schedule and habits got all messed up and I relapsed. Not horribly at first but then I just gave up on it. Well now, 4 months later, I'm going at it again. It hurts. I have insomnia, I'm always hungry which is fine because of the 7 meals thing, but I'm already sick of carrots and apples. I know if I tough it out the rest of this week I will be better at the eating part. I just hope the emotional part gets better before Adam kills me. I am super irritable and easily frustrated. I have anxiety about nothing and depressed about anything. I am mostly venting on this blog. I don't really believe someone will read (unless they are going through the same thing) but I needed to get this all out before I started bawling at work. I'm super tired from 3 nights of no sleeping. I can't even nap! But I know if I did nap, I'd sleep for 2 days straight because I'm exhausted. I have a constant teeny headache. It's just a dull ache that's always in my temples and the backs of my eyes.

I know I'll get through this but I need a way to express myself. I feel like when I saw sugar withdrawal people think it's a "cop out". But I don't enjoy being miserable. I don't do it for fun. Happiness is my goal and after this I will be much better.

Baptism.

Yesterday my new cousin was baptized. She is 14 years old and was so excited. It is so fun when converts join the church. There were a couple non members there that were crying harder than the rest of us. The Spirit is just so strong that people can't deny its presence. She is such a great example to everyone including me.

It also made me so grateful for missionary work and that my husband changed lives like Heather's on his mission. I kind of wish I went on a mission but I know I can still fulfill one on my own.

Today I am so grateful for the Gospel and how it makes people feel peace and joy.

she'd dream of para-para-paradise.

paradise. one of the songs on the new cold play cd. i love the way cold play makes me feel and their lyrics are always so meaningful. i want to focus on some of my favorite things this year. my goal is to find something everyday that is wonderful in my life. i have always been blessed. my life has always turned out ok, no matter what hell i had to go through. adam and i will have an adventurous year nicely documented in this blog.

yesterday i saw "never say never" was on netflix and i just decided to watch it... for fun. my favorite things today are:

• justin bieber. 
• the girl that is bawling when she gets to go on stage with bieber (it's about an hour in, i was peeing my pants).
• netflix

it's fun to write down things you enjoy. then i can look back and realize that life has always been good. if this post sounds awkward, it's because i'm always negative and complaining. focusing on happiness is new to me :)